Shattered Hopes and Restored Dreams
by Sticks
Summary: J/J NJO, just after Traitor. Jaina and Jag are sent on a recon to Myrkr, only to have things go awry. Jacen, recently liberated from Yuuzhan'tar, feels Jaina's pain in the Force and rushes to her aid. He must now come to terms with the changes in his sis


Disclaimer: No, I do not own _Star Wars_. If I did, this would be on fictionpress.net….

A/N: Slight AU. This is set after _Traitor_, but I'm disregarding the books following. Also, in terms of timing, instead of taking about a year, _Traitor _took about four or five. Kinda weird, I know, but I started writing it before _Traitor_ came out, and adjusted it accordingly.  

************************

 "So, Jacen Solo," came the musical voice of the enigmatic alien Vergere as she sat in what posed for a chair on the Yuuzhan Vong vessel, "What are your plans now?" 

           Jacen looked over at her, pain and wisdom beyond his years scaring his still young face, taking from it the youthful curiosity that had once been so typical of him. His brown gaze was hard and shrewd, taking in every detail of what was before him. Suddenly, a weary sigh escaped his lips. 

          "I'm not sure," he said finally. "Things have changed so much; I'm not who I was, and am afraid..."

          "You wonder how you will be accepted back amongst the Jedi," Vergere supplied, "when you have changed so greatly and they have not." 

          Jacen's face was mixed with contemplation and doubt as he considered his teacher and friend's words. After what seemed to be deep consideration, he gave a long, thoughtful nod.

          "Yes," he said, "but only partly. My greatest concern is for my sister." 

          "Ah," Vergere said, "You are afraid that she has fallen deeper into what the Jedi would call the dark side." Her crown of feathers raised a little, then settled back down and her crest flared fuchsia. 

          "You saw her," Jacen replied, "at Myrkr. That wasn't the sister I knew. She was flinging black lightening and was filled with so much hatred..." He was broken off suddenly by a feeling of intense pain splashing over his senses.  He gasped, unaware that the sensation had thrown him to his knees. When he came to, he looked at Vergere.

          "Myrkr..." he said, standing. "She's there again. And she's hurt. ...bad." 

*          *              *                    *                    *                    *

          The frigate managed to bypass the Vong security with relative ease, and Jacen focused himself totally on the faint Force presence that was his sister. The impression he was getting was that she was alive, but hurt and unconscious. Through their nearly shattered twin bond, he led the stolen Yuuzhan Vong ship through the atmosphere of the planet and in the direction he felt Jaina. He tried to ignore the memories forcing themselves inside his brain, memories of what seemed like a lifetime ago, when Anakin had died and he had been brought to the enemy. He remembered sadly the last feelings he had interpreted from his sister had been those of hatred and anger...and vengeance. Even now he was anxious about facing her, but saving her was more important.  

          As the frigate neared the place where he could feel her the strongest, he could begin to see flames and could feel the fear of local animals as they ran for cover. A sudden blast of fear twisted in his stomach as he saw the mutilated remains of an X-wing, spread across an expanse of foreign jungle. The places where the craft fragments touched was scorched black, and fire was licking at the vegetation. Already some trees had been stripped of their leaves, becoming twisted, gnarled, and blackened sticks. It was hard to imagine anything surviving this type of ultimate destruction, but somehow his sister had...or so he hoped. He pressed his Force awareness outwards, reaching for the warm light that was his sister, and felt his apprehension growing as seconds passed and he couldn't reach her.  And then, he noticed a faint spark not far from where he was, and breathed a sigh of relief. Her presence was very faint, but it was there, whole and warm, but tinged with coldness. He felt a second stab of anxiety then, and not as to her physical state. 

          Jacen had leapt into the direction of Jaina's presence before he had even felt himself move, and stopped as soon as he saw her. Her petite body lay on a smooth patch of rock that was covered with a downy carpet of greenish moss.  Thick brown hair peeked out from the confines of a helmet, streaking across her face. Her eyes were closed, and a thin line of blood trickled from her hairline to her chin, painting a crimson stripe along her features. For a moment, it seemed as if all he could do was stare, in awe of seeing her again, and in shock of being greeted with this vulnerable state. When he regained his composure, he saw that Vergere had already come agilely forward, and was bent over his fallen sister's form. 

          "She will live. But we must leave now." The alien's exotic eyes studied Jacen intensely, conveying to him a matter of extreme urgency.  When he hesitated, she looked at him even more sharply.

          "The Yuuzhan Vong will be attracted by the crash. They will come soon. If we are not gone, we will be taken and killed, and all we have worked for will be for naught." Her gaze studied him harshly. "In the story of your life, Jacen Solo, would that be the best ending?" 

          He was not numbed for long. With a nod, he instinctively let his gaze wander around the crash site, wondering if maybe even now warriors were on their way. Again he reached out with the Force, straining to feel another human life form, and was met with nothing. For an instant, he was struck by a strange thought. _Why was Jaina on Myrkr alone? He pushed it aside, remembering all too well the cost of paralyzing rumination at a time when action was required. It had been the greatest weakness of the old Jacen, and he had overcome it. Dismayed, but resigned, he took one last glance at the ruined landscape and returned to his stolen ship. He acknowledged Vergere, who was once again leaning over Jaina's unresponsive shape, which had been laid upon a makeshift bed. Her breathing was shallow, but regular, which was a comfort. As he donned the pilot's shroud and the living ship began to rise into the air, he glanced back over at his mentor and his twin, two of the most important people in his life, and wondered how he had come this far. _

          Excitement in the ship brought him back to the here and now, as it conveyed to him that it would soon be entering the blank nothingness of hyperspace. Jacen acknowledged this with a type of resignation; happy that he would see his family again, but tinged with apprehension. How would he face them? He couldn't even begin to describe Ganner's death and his experiences as an enemy prisoner of war. The two cultures were so shockingly different, even underneath the appalling outward face of the Yuuzhan Vong's style of life. He was certain he had a much better understanding of the aggressive aliens than anyone in the New Republic, but he wasn't sure how that understanding would be perceived. Surely some would claim he had been altered in such a way that the enemy could use him as a tool, and he wasn't completely sure they would be wrong. He knew he had been altered by the simple experience of it all. How could he have gone through what the Yuuzhan Vong had put before him and not have been changed by it? His goals were different now from what they had been, he knew that much, but he wasn't sure if his goals coincided with those of the Jedi and the New Republic anymore. In her own way, Vergere had been right; the old Jacen had died, and he wasn't coming back.

          He wasn't surprised when Vergere padded softly up beside him. He knew her presence before she had even set foot inside what served as the alien vessel's cockpit. The expression she wore was one of calm intelligence, belaying no emotion, scripted only into serenity.

          "She may awaken soon." The strange little avian spoke in light, airy tones, and her voice drifted into Jacen's hearing like the wind's gentle caresses. He acknowledged her with a nod. Jaina was here, but he wasn't quite sure he was ready to speak to her. 

          "Tell me, young Jacen," she asked, "what do you hope to accomplish?" 

          His gaze didn't meet her inquisitive stare, and instead remained fixed on the organic viewport in front of him. His response held a slight humor as the corner of his lips came up ever so faintly. 

          "I can only accomplish what I can," he said, standing up and stepping past her to where his sister was lying. His ears were greeted with the tinkling sound of laughter from his companion. 

          "You are learning, young one."

          The first thing Jaina noticed when she awoke was the light. It wasn't incredibly bright, but it didn't have the same qualities of synthetic bulbs. It had a fuzziness to it, and she only remembered seeing light like it once before. With a sickening lurch, she understood suddenly that the strange light was the organic luminescence of a Yuuzhan Vong ship. She snapped fully awake then, fear and dread rising in her belly like bile, and shot up to a sitting position before a searing pain shooting through her abdomen took her breath away. A warm hand descended upon her shoulder, gently but insistently pulling her back down until she was again reclining. Confused and in pain, she stretched out with the Force...and snapped around, ignoring her wounds' fierce protests.

          "Jacen?!" she gasped incredulously. "Is it...I mean, are you..." She couldn't say she didn't notice the objection of her body when she shot up from the makeshift bed, but somehow her pain had become the least of her concerns. This time Jacen didn't try to restrain her, although his concern was echoed in his haunted brown eyes. She had flung her arms around him before she had even stopped to consider what she was doing, and he allowed her to grasp him and hold him tightly. But when he pulled away, he could feel his twin's observant brown gaze studying him, her petite brow creased in a frown. He was sure he looked as different to her eyes as she did to his, and not necessarily for the better. There was a firm set to his face that he had developed during his captivity, and a coldness to his eyes that shouldn't have belonged to her brother.

          "You're...different," she said cautiously, although it was a question that didn't need asking. But as to the moment, she was at a loss for words and was looking for anything to say to lessen the uncomfortable silence. He nodded slowly, confirming her unnecessary statement. 

          "It's been a long time."  Again, another pointless statement aimed at trying to stifle the building tension. It was disturbing, but the air was so thick with uncertainty and pressure that the feeling was almost palpable. 

          Suddenly the memories of how she came to be in this state leapt into Jaina's conscious in horrifying flashes of coralskippers, molten missiles, and the terrifying, sickening feeling of her X-wing's uncontrollable tumble planetside. She could still feel the fear, and smell the sweat as the temperature outside and within her cockpit began to rise to nearly intolerable levels. Cappie's shrill cry still echoed in her ears with the sounds of breaking glass and screeching metal as she fumbled for the switch to send her out of the ship. She remembered flying, and hitting one of the planet's many impressive trees, and slinking into the dark with one thought on her mind; a tall, well-built man with black hair and piercing green eyes and a half smile reserved for her alone, promising he wouldn't leave...

          "Jacen!!" she demanded suddenly, brought back to the present and away from the terrible memories, "Survivors! Was there anyone else where you found me?! Another ship? Was he..." her voice broke off pitiably, as she found herself choking on that last thought. She couldn't even bring herself to imagine it...much less speak what horror her mind had brought forth. It was then she noticed regret on her twin's features as he looked at the ground, a profound sadness reflected in his countenance. And although she rebelled against it with every fiber in her body, looking at her brother, Jaina knew the truth of it. With a despairing frenzy, she stretched out frantically with the Force, searching the bond she had developed with the cocky fighter pilot over the course of time, but could not reach him. Shock flashed across her features, and it seemed like something inside her shattered.

          "He's gone," she said slowly. She pulled farther away from Jacen, linking her small arms around her waist.

          "I'm sorry," Jacen said, moving towards her. "There was no one else."

          Her expression changed then, from cold shock to a type of frenzied hysteria. The sheer force of her emotion startled Jacen, who had never seen this type of reaction from her before. He came forward as if to hold her and reassure her, but she twisted and fought in his grasp with a frantic anguish and tried to pull away. 

          "No!" she exclaimed, "He's not gone! He promised! He wouldn't..." The last part was muffled by a hoarse sob as it began in her throat and shuddered down her body. With that stunning revelation, it seemed the galaxy would stop spinning for her broken heart, and her legs seemed like they would no longer support her weight. Her body convulsed with heart-wrenching moans, and she stopped her resistance and let herself fall against her twin brother, taking some measure of solace from his warm, comforting presence, but otherwise beyond consolation. She poured out every piece of her shattered heart onto his robeskin with her tears, not noticing the growing wet spot she had created. The only thing that mattered at the moment was that Jag was no longer with her, whether to death or captivity she couldn't know. 

          "We have to go back..." she said roughly, her throat constricted from her sudden grief. "I won't leave him there! Jacen, I can't..."

          "Leave who?" he asked softly, lifting her chin so that his eyes met hers. She bit her lip, as if debating how to respond. It seemed she was unsure of how to answer the question, or unsure of his reaction. When she finally met his gaze again, her eyes swollen and tears still pouring down her flushed cheeks, her lips moved to make a name they had spoken many times before. 

          "Jagged Fel," she said at last, "My husband..." 

          "Your...husband?" Jacen repeated, pulling away from her in shock. Her slow, painful nod confirmed the truth in what he had heard.

          "Yes," she said quietly, "Just a year." 

          Still stunned, Jacen backed away from the pitiful sight that was Jaina, and tried to get a grasp on his own whirled thoughts. His sister's rich alto tone broke into his thoughts as he caught some of what she was saying.

          "We had hoped, that when the war was over..." her eyes were glistening with the shiny moisture that still fell down her face. She stubbornly raised a hand and wiped it away, turning her brown eyes away from her brother and focusing them on some distant point before her. 

          "He promised...and I don't think he's gone. I'll find him," she said resolutely, cold fire in her voice. "And until then, I have to be strong."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          "Your thoughts dwell heavily on her." The voice was slightly low, interrupting Jacen's private musing. He sighed, not bothering to meet the avian's pointed gaze. He kept his eyes focused on the living wall in front of him as his thoughts continued drifting back to where Jaina was again sleeping, this time in a Jedi's healing trance. He let his own Force awareness sweep over her body, taking a measure of comfort in her continued rhythmic heartbeat. It was a consolation to know her physical wounds would heal, although her mental and spiritual wounds ran much deeper and couldn't be cured so easily. He blew out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in, and turned his gaze to Vergere's. 

          "She's not the same as when I left her," he replied finally. 

          "Neither are you," came the expected lyrical answer.  He acknowledged this with a slight nod.

          "Beyond that, I'm not sure what I think." The tone of his answer was curt, letting Vergere know that in no uncertain terms this topic of conversation was ended. The small female accepted this, and turned her keen gaze away. Jacen, glad for the break in dialogue, returned to the peace of solitude and used it as a medium for sorting out his own mixed perceptions.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          "Any word of the recon?" The voice was unmistakeable. Han Solo and his wife Leia were walking with General Wedge Antilles through the corridors of the new Resistance base on Kashyyyk. Both seemed quite distressed, but Leia was more composed. Wedge quietly beckoned for the two of them to follow him into his office. Leia took a seat, but Han remained standing as their longtime friend and comrade securely shut the door and followed the procedures used for making sure the room was free of bugs, a common practice for the elite group known as the Insiders. Once finished, he turned back to the pair and they noticed the gray, haggard look to his face. 

          "I'm sorry, " he said, "but its been two weeks with no word. I'm going to have to---"

          "No." Leia's voice was firm and sure. "Jaina's alive. I can still feel her presence, no matter how hard she's trying to cut me off." 

          "Cut you off?" Wedge repeated.  Leia regarded him coolly.

          "Her presence is faint, General Antilles, but it is still there." 

          "Well that's good," Han observed, "If Jaina's still out there, there's no way Jag---"  He was suddenly broken off by a tremendous intake of breath from his wife, who clutched her hands to her chest. 

          "Jaina!" she breathed. "Jaina!"

          Wedge turned to her fiercely. "What about Jag?!" he demanded. Leia turned her ashen face to his. 

          "I'm sorry," she said, "I'm so sorry…" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          As their time together increased, so did Jacen's worry over Jaina. She became more and more withdrawn and tired as the time pressed on, and he still hadn't managed to close the widening gap between them. While they could feel the barest emotions from each other, their twin bond was not as deep as it had been in the past. Since her rescue, she had barely acknowledged his presence. And although it was like a vibroblade to his heart, he couldn't force her to open up to him. He wouldn't if he could.

          At the moment, Jaina was seated in what passed for a chair, her head tilted back and her eyes gently closed, resting. When she felt his approach, her eyes opened and she turned, a small smile on her face.

          "We'll be there soon," she said lightly, trying to cover her pain. Jacen saw this, and knew better than to try to get past her emotional barriers. He nodded, and walked up beside her. 

          "Yes," he said, "and I'm not sure what I'll do." He ran a hand through his tousled brown hair. 

          "You know," Jaina said without pretense, "Mom never believed you were dead."

          "She didn't?"  His sister shook her head. 

          "No," she said softly. "It didn't matter how hard anyone tried to dissuade her, she always knew you were alive." 

          "I haven't reached out to her yet," Jacen confessed, taking his hand from his hair and letting it fall to his side. "You're the only one who knows that I'm back." 

          "Are you?" The sharpness of her question and the ice in her tone startled him, and he thought a minute before answering. 

          "I'm not the same as I was," he said slowly. 

          "Neither am I." Her tone was curt, cutting. Again he was stung by the coldness in her voice.

          "But I'm still Jacen Solo, and your twin," he pressed. Jaina studied him for a moment, her eyes holding that same detached, glacial look. Then she turned her gaze to the organic viewport, the light, friendly moment gone, once again lost in her own muddled thoughts. 

          Jacen looked after her a moment, his expression one of concerned chagrin. He had become used to her suddenly switching to dark moods, but it still stung. He shook his head, and walked softly away from her, leaving her to her grief and depression.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          "Sir, a Yuuzhan Vong frigate is enroute to the planet," said a young officer at the sensor station. "There may be more. Should I call the squadrons?" Surprise etched its way across Wedge's face, followed by a grim resignation. He opened his mouth to give the order, only to be stopped by a strong female voice.

          "No," Mara Jade Skywalker commanded, "My niece is onboard that ship."

          "How can you be sure?" asked another voice. One look at the harsh set of her jaw and the reproach in her green eyes silenced him.  

          "I'd suggest," she said, "that Twin Suns escort their leader."

          The communications officer glanced at Wedge, who nodded an affirmative, before responding to Mara. 

          "Will do, Master Jade Skywalker."  The red-haired Jedi woman offered no other comment. 

          "Twin Suns squadron, report to your ships. The Great One has returned." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

          "Well," Jacen said, "It seems as if someone's happy to see us." A faint smile came to Jaina's lips at his comment. She had noticed the small craft coming toward them as well. 

          "My squadron," she replied, the closest to happy her tone had been since she had first awoken.  

          Jacen moved over from the pilot's seat and offered it to Jaina, who smiled at him and sat down, donning the shroud that would connect her to the living ship. At first it seemed as if the creature was confused, having been imprinted to Nom Anor and used by Jacen. Although it wasn't her specialty, Jaina managed to convince it that Jacen had allowed her to pilot the ship to Kashyyyk. It followed her begrudgingly to begin with, but once it discovered she actually knew what she was doing, Jaina could feel the tickling sensation of its mind against hers, wanting to deepen the link. She hesitated. She had never really enjoyed the depth of the link between herself and the ­_Trickster_, and didn't really want to open up to anyone at the moment, especially a Yuuzhan Vong creature. Suddenly, though, the gentle invitation coming through the pilot's shroud became urgent and warning, and Jaina found she had no choice. Opening herself to the living ship, the sudden infusion of thoughts and memories took her breath away. She found she knew the ship as well as her own body, that it was merely an extension of herself. It was a sensation similar to when she first built her lightsaber, but deeper. Any pain the ship felt became her pain, and her ache and loss and sorrow became the ship's, as it connected with her and supported her and restored her in the mutual strength of two that are one.  She lost herself in the link, concentrating only on the link itself and the common fate awaiting both of them. It didn't matter that she couldn't speak the Yuuzhan Vong language, because the bond growing between her and the ship went past mere words; it was above them, beyond them. In an instant she knew what the creature had known, and told Jacen and Vergere in no uncertain terms to sit down and strap in. 

          Worried about his sister's present state of mind, Jacen started to take the pilot's chair again but was stopped by Vergere.

          "Let her," was all the old Jedi had to say. Still wearing his visage of concern, Jacen sat down and hoped that Jaina could get them through. 


End file.
